This post was written by Esther Byington, author of other posts such as “Reality Check” and “Esther.”
In a previous post I wrote about the death of a dream. The light from my eyes, the bounce in my step, my purposeful focus, and my vivacity for life followed my dream to the grave. I had no energy or desire to carry me throughout those days. I could only think that I needed to put one foot in front of the other. But lately, well, some things have been popping up here and there in a very consistent pattern. It started subconsciously when we collaged our internship experiences. It was realized in a book. It was affirmed through a song in the prayer room. It was declared outright by a teacher in a class. Basically, it is this… “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” (Howard Thurman) In talking about the singular unity comprised of the multiple gifts in the Body of Christ, Paul quotes, “he (Christ)…gave gifts to men” (Ephesians 4). Throughout my life, for some strange, unknown reason, I have felt like I need to crush my giftings. For whatever reason-fear of pride, fear of man, or fear itself-I felt like it was wrong to do what I really wanted to do. If I really wanted something, I reasoned, it couldn’t possibly be God’s will! But that thought is ludicrous! It is exactly what the enemy wants us to think to keep us from being truly significant in this world. With the death of our hope comes the death of our effectiveness. It was God who put many of your innermost desires and talents inside you when he created you in the first place, and he has every aspiration of you using them! After all, he himself said that, “…He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart” (Psalm 37:4, Amp). Don’t get me wrong, I learned some very important lessons during that season. Surrender. Trust. Perseverance. But in this new season of my life, I feel like God is resurrecting some desires in me that I have buried very, very, very deep. “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds” (John 12:24). I still don’t know anymore what my life is going to look like, but I’m starting to explore my dreams again. It is much harder for us to get out of his will than we might think, and he isn’t shocked or hindered by our weaknesses. What about you? Think about it. Does a dead person or an alive person have more impact on the world? God will still sometimes ask us to surrender things, life won’t always be easy, but rest assured-he made you, and he LOVES what he has made!!