Carrie Balawajder is currently a student here at BCOM. From her home in Gahanna, Ohio, she heard about Bethany through her small group leader. Her heart, awake to the reality of eternity, compelled her to seek God’s will for her life. The testimony of her life is the story of a young woman who sincerely wants to please God, living for something more than herself.
The more I come to know God, the more I realize I don’t know Him.
One of the first books we had to read for school was “The Knowledge of the Holy: The Attributes of God.” What I remember most of going through this book is the struggle I had understanding God. I was blown away and in such awe at times, then totally taking captive by this huge God; He is so many things. The hardest one for me to wrap my mind around was God being a God of Justice and Mercy. This has been a continual thought in my mind…
How is God such a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger, and abounding in love, yet still this God of wrath that we see so vividly in Revelation?
In our Kingdom Lifestyle class, we went through Song of Songs and learned about the heart of God: His perfect Father heart that desires us. It is truly beautiful. The next class, ironically, was Eschatology: the study of the end times. We go from seeing God’s great love to God’s great wrath and power. As I was pondering this subject one day, I realized that God’s wrath is because of His love. One of our teachers from this class gave us the example of a husband who loves his wife. If his wife is abused in any form, would the husband not, because of his love, want justice on behalf of his wife?
It is hard for me to understand this perfect God, simply because He is perfect; He is like none other I’ve ever met- Holy. Somehow it is all so beautiful. The fact that I cannot fully comprehend Him shows that He is a trustworthy God.
One thing is for sure: I am loved by this amazing God and am on the winning side. “Your Kingdom come, Your will be done.”