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The Godly Pursuit: Knights and Damsels


Written by BGU

18 “There are three things that are too amazing for me,
four that I do not understand:
19 the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden.

Proverbs 30:18,19

Throughout my relationship with God I have had more paradigm shifts than can be  counted. The Lord has brought me out of a depressed, worldly mindset that reeked of death, and into a mindset that more and more reflects Jesus Christ. Throughout my time of knowing God and walking with him, I have often wondered about how a young man would go about pursuing a young woman. Am I alone in this? Am I the only guy who wonders how this is supposed to happen? I know I’m not. Through a series of events it seems that the Lord has changed my thinking of pursuit and how to begin a relationship. All of this advice has come through the teachers at Bethany as well as married couples on campus, experienced people who have told me incredible stories of how they and their spouses met and engaged in a relationship. So, listen up and take it all with a grain of salt. This is all coming from the guy’s side of the pursuit. The intention behind pursuit is to find for yourself a wife, someone you have future vision for, and not just a girlfriend.

Know the girl first, starting off as friends. Develop a friendship based on something other than the fact that she’s a woman. What is it that you have in common? Do you have the same kind of passion for God? A great question a teacher once asked me was this:

“If she was a guy, would you still want to be friends?”

meaning, do you like her personality, or just the fact that she’s of the opposite gender?

After you have known your friend, who happens to be a woman, for a good amount of time, and you have concluded that you would like to pursue something deeper, take the matter to God. Tell him what you feel, think about what she feels, and ask Him what He feels. Remember that pursuing a woman should involve more than your intellect, and more than your heart, it should involve both. Think and feel things through.

You and your friend may have a million things in common, but if your heart isn’t drawn to her, could it be that she is not to be your life partner? Thinking deeply about it. Is she the kind of person with good, Godly qualities you are looking for? Looking into your emotions, is your heart drawn to her?

“God is not cruel that he would rob us of our emotions”

Lastly, when you have reached a decision (you, the man), tell her what it is that you want. If you are afraid to tell her what it is that you truly want, what it is that your heart cries out for, than maybe your intentions are not as honorable as you think.

26 An honest answer
is like a kiss on the lips.

Proverbs 24:26

So before you think about actually kissing her on the lips, consider this proverb, and be truthful. If you can’t be truthful, than my best advice would be to not have a relationship with any girl.

After you tell her how you feel, she may come back with a few reasons or hesitations. She may tell you that the Lord is directing her elsewhere. It’s possible that God may be calling you two in separate directions, so be sensitive and cautious. If she expresses this, the best thing I was told to do is to reiterate what you want… or who it is you want. It’s possible that she feels called to Russia and you feel called to Africa, but remind her that she is the one you want. Give her time to think and process. If it’s God’s will that she goes to Russia, and both of you are earnestly seeking God, than He will make her go. Don’t give up if she says no the first time, be both tenacious and courteous.  Respectful and impetuous. Give her time.

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