I’ve only been in college two months, but the jokes have already started: “Have you found Mr. Right yet,” “Are you going to get that ring before Spring?” At only nineteen, I’ve been asked “Are you still single?” more times than I would care to count. The way our society talks about singleness is like it’s a disease that needs to be cured. In reality, though, singleness is a gift, a gift that we, as a society, have lost sight of.
This isn’t to say that singleness doesn’t come with its own struggles and difficulties, but God always has a reason for challenging us with these struggles. He has a way of telling us that He’s in control and that His plan is going to benefit and help us in the long run. Since this is true, we can appreciate the time frame when we are single, recognizing that it is a gift from God. To do this, we just have to realize that God has a purpose behind it.
God, Where Are You?
One of the major issues I hear about singleness (and have fought through myself) is that we become lonely. Why exactly are we lonely? You have friends, family, church congregation, and even peers. But even if you don’t have any of that, you have God. And He isn’t just God; he is the “God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3). I know, I know… it’s not the same as having someone there to call your own, but this season can be fruitful and so growing as it prepares you for future relationships.
We are made for relationships. When we don’t have that, it is difficult to resist the temptation to just run towards the first person that offers us love. But instead of always looking for an earthly individual that will love us, we must remain content having a God that loves you. “God is love” (1 John 4:8), and what individual can love you more than the God that embodies love completely? He is going to be there for you, no matter what. I promise you, if you cling to Christ completely, you won’t feel lonely. God’s love and peace will fill you in an overwhelming manner. (Philippians 4:7)
God, What In the World is Happening?
One thing I’ve realized is that a large majority of us humans fight God on His plan because we want control. Think about the truth found in Isaiah 55:9, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts”. We might believe we should be in control, or that we know how to mold the best story, but that simply is not the case. We need to trust that God isn’t going to fail us and realize that Him being in control is for the best. For “He will never leave nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6), and when we take hold to this truth, we realize that God is the one person that we can trust and hold on to without fear.
If you gain the ability to trust God in your season of singleness, you will find it easier to continue to trust Him as you travel through different seasons of your life. I’ve come to find that God really does know what He’s doing. Even more, He continues to know, whether or not you are able to provide insight on your own life. He’s got you. Though this season of singleness is hard, please understand that He knows what He is doing. He isn’t trying to hurt you, or frustrate you (Isaiah 41:10)… but I know it’s not always easy to believe that, so until you can, find peace in the fact you can trust God. He hasn’t failed you yet, and He’s not going to.
God, You Sure You Don’t Want To Do It This Way?
Most of the time we struggle with being okay with where we are and fighting God’s plan for our life. But this goes with the previous topic: If we trust God and His plan, we need to be okay with how it plays out. Remember what it says in Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understandings, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” In prayer and petition come to God with your concerns, especially if you aren’t content with the place that God has you. And please take heart as you remember Ecclesiastes 3:1, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”. That means that there is time for singleness. And you just have to be okay with the idea that God has you in that season.
I know most people, myself included, want to make the most out of life. We want to live in such a way that each day matters. So I challenge you, don’t live a life wanting A lot of the time we all stand around wanting a bigger house, a family, a better degree, more money, a significant other, or anything else on the infinite list of countless things. But if we live in a constant state of wanting, we will never be content with what we already have. Find peace with where you are in life, and know God will cause life to change in His time.
God, Where is Mine?
A lot of the time we look around and see those multitudes of couples around us, those budding relationships, or the old couple who feed the birds together in the park. And we wonder to ourselves, why isn’t that me? Or is that ever going to be me? Let’s be honest, we all look around and compare ourselves to others. This means, though, that someone is probably looking at you, and desires something about you as well. But, what good does any of that do? “Now if the foot should say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.” For if every hand desired to be a foot or every arm desired to be an ear, the body would not be complete. For God made you as He made you for a reason, and that means that you are going to be used just as God made you.
For God is willing to use your life to impact the multitudes, just as He was willing to use five loaves and two fish to feed and impact thousands of people (Matthew 14:13-21), why wouldn’t He be willing to use your life, His precious gift, to do the same? And yes, I’m talking to you. To the individual reading this, if God wanted to make you like Matt, or Autumn, or any of the countless people that we compare ourselves too, He would have. Instead, His desire is for you to be more like Him, not more like another human.
God, Who am I?
Females:
Stop for a second. Don’t let the devil have reign over your thoughts. He has a good way of doing that. But honestly, you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). That’s a verse that we have all heard, but stop and think about it. It’s not just some phrase; God looks at you and sees overwhelming beauty. He sees you as His priceless masterpiece. And no matter what men of this Earth say, you are worth diamonds. You are precious; the King who made the Universe cherishes you. Think of all the gorgeous things of nature… The multitude of colors that fills sunsets, how butterflies look as they fly into the distance, how the sun shines through the canopy of trees, the stars in the sky, or even the simple landscape that appears as you look on a far-out mountain. Those pictures of beauty, though, are far less gorgeous than what God sees when he looks at you. So don’t for a second believe you aren’t “pretty enough” to be in a relationship.
Also beautiful—yes I am talking to you, you reading this—please don’t rush into a relationship because it’s so much better to remain single than to rush off and marry the wrong guy. You are worth all the precious diamonds, and you need someone who knows that and believes that, to be the one that sweeps you off your feet. Imagine how broken-hearted it makes your Creator when He sees you hand off your precious, and delicate heart to someone who just shatters it. Please be careful. God had plans to form you and your heart before times began… that’s a long time ago. Your heart is too precious to be broken. Please. You have been thought up for an eternity, don’t let your heart be shattered that quickly; trust the one who has been around for an eternity.
Males:
Let me first say, I am a female, so I’m not going to be 100% right, but I am sure going to try. So without further ado…you are enough. I know a lot of guys have struggled with comparing themselves to other guys. But, you are handsome just the way you are. I promise you, God thinks the same thing too. You are strong enough, smart enough, and capable enough. You’re amazing simply the way you are. So don’t look at someone else, and wonder what is wrong with you simply because you don’t look like that person. More so strive to be Christ-Like, and “not be conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).
Also, I know you like the idea of protecting someone, caring for someone, and just being there for people. There is just a sense of being wanted when you are able to look at your significant other, wipe away a tear from her cheek, and whisper it’s going to be okay. It makes you feel needed. But I challenge you, don’t save that love for only your other half. There are so many people out there hurting, so many people out there who need your love, so until you find your spouse, simply love those who God’s send you to, especially “the least of these” (Matthew 25:40), for there is very few who has shown them love in the past. And they could really use it.
God, Is This Worth the Wait?
I’m going to be really honest with you: it’s hard to be content when you are single. But I believe in you, and I know that God is molding you for His plan. I can’t promise you that everyone reading this blog will find his or her future spouse in the next ten years, but I can promise that no matter what happens… God does know what He is doing! And one day you will wake up, and all the years of waiting will have made sense, and you’ll be so glad that you chose to wait on the Lord. Cling to God no matter if you get married or not. Allow Him to lead you completely throughout the rest of your life. There isn’t any relationship better than the one that you have with God.